Regular readers will know that earlier this month I experienced a breakdown. While initially this was a far from an ideal experience, it has helped it me further accept those moments when we aren’t coping well and need that additional support. In short, it allowed me to be ok with not being ok.
What is being ok with not being ok?
In its simplest form, being ok with not being ok, is accepting where your mental state is at in a way that is also kind to yourself.
No more fighting yourself on how you are really feeling. No more half-heartedly telling yourself that you’re “ok” when you know it isn’t true. No more beating yourself up and screaming “why can’t I just be normal!”, while choking on tears. No more forcing yourself to try and being something that you simply aren’t at this moment.
I have done all of those things – more than once! And none of them have been helpful in aiding recovery. In fact, they have hindered recovery! Delaying the time taken to get the support I needed to process what I was going through.
Discovering if you’re not ok
The first step in this journey, like most in life, is possibly the hardest. It’s time to do some self reflection, ask some hard questions and give honest answers.
Are you really OK?
What HAS your mood been like?
What is happening in your life at the moment?
Is there additional stress in your life right now?
Has there been any major changes?
How are you going at work/school/home?
Has there been a notable difference in your behaviour?
These are just a handful of questions to start with, but you will begin to see a picture start to form. No one knows you are better than yourself, and if you are connected with yourself you will be able to see pretty quickly if something isn’t right.
How to be ok with not being ok
So you have done some self reflection and realised that aren’t feeling ok at the moment, now what?
Now, it’s time to accept what you are feeling without trying to fight it or immediately try and change it by forcing the emotions away. That is not to say that you should wallow in self pity or start an internal narrative that you are not ok, therefore, you will never be ok. It’s about accepting the situation that you are in right now so you can take meaningful steps forward.
Acceptance does not come easy. It has taken me years to truly accept certain aspects of my mental health. But once we acknowledge and accept that we are not ok, it makes those next steps of getting help easier.
What happens next?
Now that you have done some self reflection, and realised you’re not currently ok it’s time to reach out. No one expects you to go through this alone!
There are a variety of different services available and places to go. These include, but are not limited to, the following:
– Your family doctor, or general practitioner (GP)
– A local counsellor or psychologist (keeping in mind most will specialise in specific areas)
– Also, don’t forget free hotlines and online counselling services provided by organisations such as Lifeline and Beyond Blue.
This is just a snippet of the resources and support out there that is available. There are even organisations that strictly deal in niche areas like domestic violence and sexual assault (1800RESPECT), childhood trauma (The Blue Knot Foundation), under 25’s (ReachOut) and even gender (MensLine Australia). The options out there are seemingly endless!
Please note, that while all the above examples are Australian, a quick google search will likely pull up a pile of resources that are available to you wherever you are situated.
Hopefully, with all these tools in your belt you will be more in tune with whether or not you are ok and be able to face it head on. The benefits of going through the process are far greater than the discomfort in starting. We both know, you deserve it.
Goodbye for now, and remember – keep calm, and grow strong!
Regular readers of the Coming Back From A Setback series might be wondering where I have gone for about the past week.
Well, I have great news!
The major reason for my absence is that I have been doing a lot of planning and preparation for my return to university placement (I’m back baby!). Unfortunately, this has also meant that I have been lacking in time and the creative mindset to produce valuable work that I consider to be worth publishing.
When I originally took on the idea of writing daily blog posts to track my recovery I was fully prepared for some challenges, but I wasn’t expecting that they would cause content to end as abruptly as it did! It seems that at this stage in my creative process I simply can’t keep with daily blog posts.
Since I am returning to my university placement, I will be once again putting out quality weekly content discussing all things complex trauma and daily living.
Thank you all so much for joining me on this journey, and I hope that you were able to get as much out of it as I did.
I hope to see you all this Sunday for a brand new blog post!
7:30am – Beep, beep, beep.
It’s time for Nick to get up and go to work, but instead of getting up he cuddles up even closer.
“Would you like me to stay home with you today?” he said.
I know Nick was being genuine, it’s in his nature to be caring. But I can’t help but find it amusing that he might be using my downturn as an excuse to get out of work.
I smile, “No. Besides, I’m feeling better today”. And I actually mean it.
“Also, your the only one of us that has a job”
Sad, but mostly true. While I still have two shifts left at my current job, I put in my letter of resignation about a week ago.
I promptly roll over and go back to sleep while Nick drags himself begrudgingly out of bed.
8am – I wake up to see Nick fully dressed for work and offering me a cup of freshly made coffee. I am over the moon. Perhaps I should’ve let him stay home.
8:10am – Hot coffee in one hand and journal in the other, it is time plan another day. I started to build some momentum last night and I intend to keep it going.
Today’s To Dos
– Complete paperwork for my psychologist appointment
– Blogging (I am falling far behind – gulp!)
– Get in touch with the uni about my current status (Technically, this should have been done on Monday aka Day 5. But we all know how that day went don’t we, dear readers)
– Cooking (this is entirely optional, but I hope I can get to it)
9am – Might as well get the paperwork out of the way, seems easy enough. Download some documents, send off some emails. Easy peasy.
9:30am – While the laptop is out, only makes sense to get blogging. I have missed this process of going through my day and analysing it. No matter how crappy the day there is always something I can take from it.
10:30am – It’s breakfast time and, to make things even better, I am doing it in bulk! Bacon and egg muffins, eat one and freeze five. Now we will once again have ready-made breakfast to heat and eat on rushed days. Win-win.
10:45am – %$#&! My finger! Owie, owie, owie, owie…. Sigh…
Note to self, don’t put fingers on hotplate that is clearly on. Sounds simple enough, but clearly I need to revisit this little life lesson.
11am – Breakfast, done. Leftover breakfast muffins wrapped and in the freezer. Time to start making some banana and oat muffins. I’m on a roll!
12:30pm – I finish making muffins and then the Youtube app just.. dies? Is the internet out again? I guess I will just reset the modem – AGAIN!
1pm – Oh my God! Youtube is ACTUALLY down! How does that even happen?
Holy $#%*! It’s worldwide!
People must be freaking out.
Wait.. What’s going to stop me from going insane doing the dishes!? While cooking is my happy place, cleaning dishes may certainly be my personal hell.
1:30pm – Turns out there was something else that I used to listened to while doing chores before Youtube consumed my life – podcasts! And thankfully due to my benign neglect, I have racked up quite a few to listen to.
Throw me that apron while I snap on these gloves, I have dishes to clean!
4pm – Just checked my emails and turns out I need to chase my former doctor for one of the documents I need for my appointment tomorrow. Sigh.
Surely it will just be a simple phone call and I will be done chasing pieces of paper.
4:15pm – Turns out nothing is simple when it comes privacy law. The young receptionist had to put me on hold and check if I can indeed request the documents I need. Apparently the answer is no.
So now I need to tell my psychologist that they need to ask for the documents directly. Sigh. I have already spoken to three different people about getting my mental health care plan sent to my new psychologist.
I feel like a ball in a pinball machine.
4:20pm – Next on my round of baking, chocolate chip cookies! The recipe went so well last time, I am keen to give it another go
4:40pm – Ok, so something went wrong with the cookies. I mean… their not inedible, but these are some damn ugly looking cookies.
I have no idea what happened… Perhaps a missed ingredient? I’m at a loss on this one.
I know Nick will still eat them regardless, so I guess I will just pass it off as one of life’s mysteries.
4:45pm – It’s not on the list of today’s to dos, but Youtube has inspired me to audit my pantry. We have a crazy amount of food in this apartment after we merged our belongings and I have no idea what exactly we have anymore.
6pm – Nick is home and, as predicted, he doesn’t care in the slightest that the cookies look misshapen and are crumbly. We both filled up on cookies, and now I think those veggie burritos I was planning for dinner are off the cards.
6:15pm – What feels like an eternity later, I finished listing every single thing in our pantry. It’s a two page document with items grouped together in tables. I’m feeling pretty proud.
7pm – Based on the new pantry list, I worked out that we need buy less than 10 things at the supermarket for a full week of meals. How awesome is that!?
8pm – I decided that I should have something more substantial for dinner despite not really feeling hungry after stuffing my face with cookies.
Time to boil up some brown rice, and cut up some veggies for salsa.
8:20pm – I no longer have the patience for this. The tiredness has set in and I just want to walk away from this entire meal.
“You need to eat something” said Nick, “Pull out one of the leftover frozen dinners and reheat it. We can use what you have done for tomorrow night.”
“Fiiiiinnnne”, I’m in no mood to fight him on this, “but I’m having the last of the beef and potato curry”.
9pm – With dinner finished I am actually feeling little more energetic, which is problematic because I should be going to sleep now. I pull out my latest book to read and start getting into it. Better than looking at screens surely.
10pm – Despite feeling tired, I don’t want to put this book down. The author has caught me in their literary web. Must. Keep. Reading.
10:45pm – Ok, ok, it’s getting late I will put the book down and go to sleep. I will play some relaxation sounds off my phone and go to sleep.
11pm – I’m trying to sleep and memories are flashing before my eyes. I try to shake the images away, but they just won’t stop. I’m crying and curling up into a ball.
I eventually crawl my way out into the living room, and collapse at Nick’s feet. He sees me upset and starts to comfort me.
“Bad dreams?”, he asks.
“No”, I say between sniffles. “Flashbacks”.
Possibly one of the worst things about having a trauma history is the invasive memories. They come out of seemingly nowhere and refuse to let go once they have me in their grasp.
11:10pm – Nick and I are back in the bed watching Netflix off one of the iPads. The cat is happily purring away between us and is delighted that Nick is in bed so early.
I know I am trying to avoid having the screens in bed, but there is no way I am going back to sleep while my past is trying to barge its way in to the present.
I’m still trying to work out how to manage these invasions of my mind. The only way I know how do it without alcohol is to drown it out with other media, but surely there are better ways.
12:30am? – I finally turn off the iPad and go to sleep. Hopefully I drift off before the thoughts can get to me.
On Reflection
Despite the poor sleep quality due to the late night and flashbacks, this was a pretty solid day. I am glad to see the pendulum is starting to swing back the other way after how difficult the earlier days of the week have been.
Ideally, I would have liked to have gotten more blogging done, but it simply wasn’t on the cards. I lacked the concentration needed, constantly jumping from one task to the next. Cooking instead let me play around in the kitchen, lifting up my overall mood for the day.
Overall, I think that the work I put in today will put me in good stead for tomorrow and the rest of the week.
Goodbye for now, and I hope to see you tomorrow for day 8 on my journey to wellness.
5am – It’s a brand new day and I am stoked about getting that sleep routine down! I still feel a bit tired this morning, but I am going to say it is probably due to going to bed a little later. Time to pull out my journal and get the day in order.
Today’s To Dos
– Follow up GP appointment
– Start reading my new book
Seems simple enough.
9am – Uggghhh… That fatigue is really setting in. Maybe I will just take a brief nap, my appointment is at 11am so I can stand to have about a one hour snooze. Not ideal, but it is just so wet and dreary outside, and bed is so inviting and warm. Who can resist?
10am – Blech, now I REALLY don’t want to get out of bed. Napping was a TERRIBLE idea. Time to sprint to get ready and go to my appointment.
11am – I arrive at the doctor’s office and walk up to reception, where I am promptly told that my doctor is not here today and they have been trying to call me, but had failed to get through. OH #$%&! Those calls on message bank…. My world is crashing down. I immediately start panicking. The receptionist then tells me that all of the doctors have been booked out for the day. WELL $%&#! What the $#%& am I going to do now?!? Either the receptionist was a mind reader, or she could see the look of sheer horror on my face, because I was immediately told that they do take walk-ins, but it will be at least a thirty minute wait and I won’t be bulk-billed.
“Well I don’t have much of choice” trying to force a laugh. I was clearly distressed at this point. My tremors were severe, I was choking back tears and hugging my jacket for comfort.
11:15am – I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok I keep trying to reassure myself and use my new book as a distraction, but then the anxiety inducing questions start coming up. What happens now? This wasn’t part of the plan. What will this new doctor say? What about the plan my doctor and I were building?
Breathe. Just breathe.
11:30am – I’m finally called into the appointment room where I am clearly trembling, hugging my jacket. I sit down, start sobbing and am unconsciously rocking back forth slightly on my chair. I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok, I’m ok….. “What brings you in today?”, the strange doctor asks me.
Now this may seem like an unfair statement, but with the original GP I saw I had done my research. She was a pharmacist prior to being a doctor and had an interest in mental health – bingo! That’s my dream doctor. I felt like I had somewhat of a connection BEFORE I even had my first appointment. But this guy… I know nothing about this guy. And he knows NOTHING about me.
I proceed to fill him in with what is happening between sobs and sniffles, while he stares at the computer screen (hopefully reading my file, but honestly who knows). He agrees to write me a new medical certificate covering this week, writes a referral letter for my chosen psychologist, and proceeds to ask me the three questions that EVERYONE that comes in with a mental health issue gets bombarded with.
“Do you hear voices?” – psychosis
“Are you feeling threatened by something, or believe something is out to get you?” – paranoia
“Do you want to harm yourself?” – suicidal ideation
My answer to all of these was no. But still I feel like this always more an exercise for the doctor trying not to sued than actually trying to elicit patient symptoms. Especially when it is preceded by the statement “I ask all my patients these questions”.
Ok, so now I have all my paperwork, we are wrapping up, I am just about to walk out the door when the doctor asks me the following:
“Have you ever tried using benzodiazepines to manage your symptoms?” OH HELL NO! To be clear here, I am not giving anyone general advice about benzodiazepines. If you have any questions about benzodiazepines or any other medications you should ask your doctor or your pharmacist. I just know that benzodiazepines + me = bad news.
Between my history of alcohol abuse, and my strong family history of addiction (specifically to benzos and other drugs), I don’t want benzos anywhere near me.
All I had to say was “I don’t like to take them because I have a history of substance abuse”, and the topic was instantly dropped. Granted that statement suggests anything from alcohol through to heroin, but at least it firmly shut the door on that subject.
11:45am – I walk up to the reception desk expected to hand over what is left in my bank account to pay for my walk-in appointment only for the same receptionist to look up at me and say it is all fine. I can only guess the doctor took pity on me and decided to bulk-bill me, #winning?
12:15pm – I decided to walk home since the sun is out and I am far too fidgety to wait for a bus. I managed to get home just as the rain started to come pouring down again. I was lucky. And I managed to get my 30 minutes of exercise in.
2pm – Have been curled up in bed watching YouTube since I got home, only getting up to eat half a cheesecake from the freezer. I am deep into depressive symptoms and frankly I don’t care. I am more in the dark than ever on when I am going to be able to return to placement and everything just feels… pointless.
I started doing a deep dive into Five Nights at Freddy’s (aka FNAF) game theory, and man, for a game that is on the surface simply designed to jump scare you, the story on this is DEEP. (Yeah, I know I am super late to the party, but these fan theories are insanely complex!)
6pm – Nick is home and I still haven’t moved from the bed. I tried to get him to watch some FNAF game theory with me, which he did (bless him!), but it was all going over his head without any context of what was happening. I’m very lucky to have a partner that is so supportive.
6:30pm – Nick convinces me to get out of bed and we made dinner together, a very simple veggie curry. I sit down and he gets me all the materials I need to cut up the veggies while he does the dishes. I talk to him about what happened today, articulating for the first time the events and my feelings about them. It’s helpful, and I am grateful that he got me out of bed.
7pm – Nick and I eat dinner, the curry is delicious and I am glad that we made it. At 6pm I was very willing to spend money we didn’t have to order in some takeout.
10pm? – I fell asleep watching random stuff on Youtube and became incredibly startled when Nick walked into the room. Damn you FNAF! Now I need to try and go back to sleep.
Nick walks over to the iPad and turns it off.
“No more screens”
He truly is a saint.
On Reflection
It’s disappointing to see a day that had such potential just completely fall apart. It is only with some distance on this (writing on day 7) that I can accept that the events of this day are largely due to unfortunate coincidence.
My deeply entrenched abandonment issues did me no favours here. Especially when what I really needed was continuing support in my recovery. That being said, I don’t begrudge the GP that did see me. I believe they did their best to manage a situation that they were thrown into with little to no context.
It is scary to see the depression symptoms creep their way back to this level again. I haven’t experienced them in quite some time and it is acting like a flashing, neon warning sign. Fortunately, I have my appointment with my new psychologist coming up this week.
It wasn’t until around midday on day 6 that I realised that this day is actually a classic example of what I discussed in my very first blog post – Doing the Recovery Cha-Cha, the idea that the recovery process involves ups and downs. That sometimes you will fall flat on your face sometimes, and that’s ok.
I mentioned it a lot during my breakdown of the day, but I truly do feel blessed to have my partner, Nick, to support me. He has been incredibly supportive and is accepting of everything that has been happening. I can’t imagine how I would be coping if I didn’t have him as a form of support.
Goodbye for now, and I hope to see you tomorrow for day 6 on my journey to wellness.
12:30am – Ugghhh… What time is it? Way to early to get up. Wait… Where is Nick? There is a faint blue light under the door, definitely still awake. Back to sleep I guess.
1am – Holy #$%*! Someone is breaking in to the bedroom! Oh… Wait.. No. It’s just Nick finally coming to bed. Sigh. Ok back to sleep.
5:00am – Ok, I’m up. I have my coffee and my journal. Let’s get started.
On the agenda today:
– Write a grocery list
– Do 30 minutes of exercise
– Implement a bedtime routine
– Finish reading my current book.
I’m trying to keep it simple so I can spend as much quality time with Nick as possible on his weekend off.
5:10am – Breakfast time! Peanut butter on toast and way too many cups of coffee.
8:00am – Bed is so inviting and warm, and for some reason I am craving pancakes. I might stay and cuddle up with Nick, just for a minute. I can get everything else done when I get up in a sec…
10:30am – “Hey, It’s time to get up. I’m making for you pancakes”. Huh? There’s pancakes? And wait… Have I been sleeping for over TWO HOURS!?
10:40am – DOUBLE BREAKFAST TIME! Pancakes with maple syrup. I love it when he cooks for me!
11am – Ugghh.. I’m so damn fidgety that I can’t even sit still let alone read a book. I wonder what’s on Netflix…
2:30pm – Lunch time! Leftover satay chicken with brown rice, super yum!
5:30pm – Well I guess my day went to watching The Good Place on Netflix. But I can still get that prescribed 30 minutes of exercise in! “Hey, Nick. Let’s walk up the hill to the supermarket and get stuff for dinner”
8pm – Dinner time! Roast lamb and veggies (yay!)
10pm – I’m so tired! Let’s just face plant into the pillow and call it a day. It isn’t perfect, but at least I’m going to sleep.
On Refection
Despite how I initially felt about this day, I can actually see persistence in some of the good habits I am trying to build. While I did spend the majority of the day lounging about trying to pacify the nervous energy with Netflix, I did still insist on making the effort to do the 30 minutes of exercise. And, I included Nick as well! Which actually made me feel more secure being outside of the apartment.
As is a bit of a running theme, sleep needs work. I still haven’t gotten a routine in place, and my overall sleep quality is poor. In order to keep from day napping I need to avoid getting back into the bed after I wake up. Day napping is a sure way to make my sleep cycle more erratic. Let’s hope for a better outcome on day 4.
Goodbye for now, and I hope to see you tomorrow for day 4 on my journey to wellness.
4:30am – Woke up, pulled out my journal and started to get to work. I completed the K10 last night so there is momentum behind me (I scored a 34, no surprises here that things are elevated!)
4:45 am – Today’s goals established:
– Contact psychologists
– Go for a walk
– Do laundry
5am – Made a short-list of the short-listed psychologists to call, any more than three is overwhelming! Fingers crossed I can find someone who is available and affordable.
5:30am – Go to do my morning meditation and the cat is on my medication cushion, perhaps he is trying to reach enlightenment?
9am – Time to start making calls off the shortened short-list. This is surprisingly nerve wracking.
9:10am – Two voicemails left and one name crossed off as the call failed to connect.
10am – Can’t stop pacing. Mind is racing. Palpitations. Tremors. ARRRRGGHH!!!
11:30am – First call back from voicemails left. Discussion went well and appointment has been made for Thursday! With that one big task done a massive weight feels like it has been taken off my shoulders.
12pm – Lunch time! Two minute noodles (yeah I know, it is not at all an ideal lunch but I am hungry and want food NOW!)
1pm – Still pacing, pacing, pacing. ARRRGH!! If I wasn’t so familiar with these physical symptoms I would think I have a heart condition. I feel way too twitchy to go outside. Need to swap out the 30 minute walk for another activity – yoga, maybe?
2pm – Ok $#%* this! I’m taking one of my when required meds to stop these palpitations. I just want to be able to sit and read, or do something that ISN’T walking up and down the apartment.
2:10pm – Sigh, I can finally sit still and also not have the sensation that my heart is pounding out of my chest. It feels good. Is this what normal feels like?
4:30pm – Time to get in that yoga before Nick comes home from work. Hopefully the stretching and breath awareness will be calming too.
6pm – Nick is home and, as usual lately, I have not gotten dinner ready. Despite the fact he has absolutely no expectation that dinner will be ready (or that I should be making it at all!), I still feel guilty for not having it done. Gender stereotypes much?
7pm – Dinner time! Satay chicken with green beans and brown rice. Drool.
8pm – It’s one hour till my usual bedtime and I am sitting up with Nick playing Borderlands 2. Not quite what the GP had in mind for an ideal sleep routine.
10pm – Finally going to sleep after watching Netflix in bed. Yeah, definitely not what the GP had in mind in terms of a sleep routine.
On Reflection
There is a lot about this day that went well amongst the chaos that was happening in my mind. I achieved my major goal for the day, finding a new psychologist and making an appointment. And despite not going outside to exercise, I DID do 30 minutes of yoga as a substitute instead of just dismissing exercise completely.
Where I am clearly struggling is with my sleep routine. Perhaps if I try using a phone reminder or another trigger to remind me to step away from the screens and get ready for bed I might have better results on day 3? It’s worth giving a try.
Goodbye for now, and I hope to see you tomorrow for day 3 on my journey to wellness.
I wanted to try something a little different after my recent post on Tumblr where I discussed my realisation that I am not “ok” on world mental health day. Long story short I had a very intense, very public breakdown during a university placement when I realised that my PTSD was not as well controlled as I wanted to believe.
I have now put university and other commitments on hold while I focus on getting better, and I wanted to share that journey with you in the form of short daily posts. It is my hope that tracking my progress will assist in my recovery, and help people who may be going through something similar.
So without further ado, let’s start day one.
Day 1 – New Beginnings
Coming back after a breakdown is exhausting, and I was certainly feeling that.
I didn’t get out of bed till 10:45am, a far cry from my usual 5am wake up time, and I only had an hour until I need to leave for my appointment with a new GP. While I managed to get out the door on time, I certainly felt rushed and it wasn’t helping my already agitated state.
The hardest part of going to see the doctor was simply being outside. Not in the depressed way that you don’t want to get out of bed and everything is effort. But the hyper anxious, overstimulated kind of way.
Living in a city, there is activity everywhere. A constant flow of traffic, delivery bikes, hundreds of people walking around, and that’s just the visuals. Throw in the sound of car horns, sudden breaking, construction, people talking, loud music and it all just becomes a stimulatory mess. My hyper alert brain just couldn’t take it – “How can I possibly keep track of all of these potential threats?”
Hypervigilance wasn’t the only big symptom of the day, palpitations and tremors where an ongoing issue. Filling in the new patient form was a little tricky at the doctor’s office with the tremors. I regularly shake out my hand to try and somehow resolve tremors. Not that it really works, but it just feels better than doing nothing.
Once I was called in to see the doctor I started to feel a little bit of relief. I have always been a big believer that having a plan and knowing what is coming makes life easier to deal with, and my new GP was fantastic in laying out the ground work.
For now we are focusing on getting supports in place and on lifestyle changes to aid in my recovery. My tasks in the lead up to my Monday follow up include:
1. Contact the psychologists I already had short listed as people I might want to work with
The Blue Knot Foundation are a wonderful Australian organisation that specialise in working with adult survivors of childhood trauma. I used their call back service in order to get a short list of therapists with my list of needs earlier this month. Their website also has some other useful resources. I highly recommend checking them out.
2. Fill out the K10 given to me by the GP
The K10 is a diagnostic tool used to assess the level of distress a patient is in based on their responses to brief questionnaire. An interactive version of the questionnaire can be found here.
3. Drink water regularly and eat well
While my water drinking habits have been particularly good lately, my diet has been absolutely terrible. Since I like to cook, I am actually looking forward to preparing nice meals for myself.
4. Exercise for 30 minutes each day
This is going to be a challenge for me. I am notoriously bad at exercising, but hopefully knowing I have to face my GP again in four days keeps me accountable.
5. Establish a sleep routine
My sleep quality has been poor due to nightmares and general insomnia. To improve sleep there are a couple of things that are going to be put in place including:
– Taking a hot bath/shower before bedtime
– Doing some kind of mindfulness activity
– No screens two hours before bedtime (which will be super hard as I had been using screens to sort of “drown out” my thoughts at night)
So with my plan in place I left the overstimulating outside world and went back to the apartment where I rode out the rest of the day. I have every intention of taking on the above challenges in day 2.
I look forward to seeing you all next time as I continue to share my journey back to wellness. Take care!
Modern life tends to keep us very busy. So busy in fact that we forget to deal with the little things that sometimes fall through the cracks. Little things like the housekeeping, sorting out our mail, calling your mum – and even your self-care!
These tiny things also tend to build and cause problems down the track. You step out of the shower and find out you have no clean underwear (dammit!). The electricity bill never got paid because it is still sitting in the mailbox (#$%*!). Your mum calls you upset because she thinks you don’t love her anymore (sob). And now you’re feeling burnt out, overwhelmed and unable to cope.
Everyday stress is already hard enough to manage when you DON’T have an elevated baseline! So, how can we manage our lives and keep those stress levels in check? My ideal way to get on top of everything and back on track is the reset day.
What’s a Reset Day?
A reset day is one day out of your week that you put aside purely to restore a sense of order in your life by catching up on all those little things and putting some solid work into your self-care.
Well that sound’s great Danielle, but I don’t have a WHOLE DAY to spend on this stuff. I have a job/family/commitment that takes up all my time! Besides, a whole day JUST FOR ME that has to be selfish, right?
I’m hearing what you’re saying, but consider this – while you might think the act of setting aside time to take care of yourself is selfish, isn’t it in the best interest of your family/work/etc that you are at your best? When we are doing well, it shows, and it benefits the people around us. Just ask them! I’m sure they will agree.
Furthermore, while I call it a reset DAY, you can easily tailor it to meet your needs. Whether it be a reset hour, half-day, day or entire week! What you do and how you do it is entirely up to you. The core of the reset day is about bringing things back to a set baseline of order, whatever that might be for you.
What does a reset day look like? Each person’s reset day varies and reflects where you are at currently. At the moment my typical reset day involves:
– A general clean and tidy of the apartment
– Catching up on any tasks that fell by the wayside
– Taking some valuable me-time where I can mentally refresh
– And where possible, prepare for the upcoming week
While a dedicated reset day can be set to any day in your week, I prefer Sundays as I know I have an opening in my schedule to accommodate it.
What are the benefits? By incorporating a reset day into my life, I have been able to reduce my overall stress throughout the week, while I notice how chaotic life feels if I go without it. I start my Monday’s feeling refreshed, recharged and prepared for the week.
Give yourself permission to have a reset day. You won’t regret it.
Goodbye for now, and remember – keep calm, and grow strong!
Overwhelm is easily the single biggest reason why my path down the road to recovery ends up on temporary hiatus. When we become overwhelmed by everything that is happening around us, our ability to think logically is just gone.
A recent example of overwhelm for me occurred just recently – I missed a deadline. Sounds silly doesn’t it? But that simple act of dropping that tiny ball that was up in the air with countless other balls triggered it all. All of a sudden, I felt like the sky was falling. It’s all coming crashing down. Quick! Brace for emergency landing! We’re going down!!!
So naturally, after I recognised that feeling of overwhelm rising up I went immediately to someone who could help me get some perspective and set out a plan of attack…. Nah! OF COURSE NOT! I actually paced up and down the hallway, went in the foetal position and cried for 20 minutes. Which brings me to my first point:
We don’t act rationally when our emotions are running high
When the fight or flight response is triggered in our brains, our higher order functions switch off. This means our ability to think rationally about what is going on is gone. So, what do you do? This is where grounding exercisescomes into play. Put simply, grounding involves using a number of different techniques to bring us back into the here and now, while also reminding us we are SAFE in the space we are in. I will be doing a full post on grounding exercises in the future, but for now you can find a step-by-step guide on how to do the Five Senses Exercise at the bottom of this post.
Ok, so I have reached a point where I am a bit calmer. The ability to think objectively is starting to come back. What do I do now?
Talk it out and develop a plan
When I managed to get a little bit more rational, the first thing I did was pick up the phone and call someone who was independent from the situation and could give me some solid advice. For me, it was my psychologist. However, this person can be anyone that you feel comfortable letting it all out to and can help you develop a plan of attack to deal with your mini crisis.
Don’t want to talk? That’s ok too! Try writing it all out. Sometimes seeing everything laid out in black and white can be enough to gather ideas and get yourself back on track.
And finally…
Don’t force yourself to be OK right away
When we have these intense moments of overwhelm it is nothing short of exhausting. That surge of adrenaline and the drop off as you become calm again makes you feel like you have run a marathon. You feel physically and emotionally drained and that’s TOTALLY NORMAL!
Do some self-care knowing that you have a plan in place to take care of the situation when you are ready. Self-care means different things to different people and can involve doing something for your physical health, like going for a run, or something for your mental health, like writing in a journal. Self-care can even involve spirituality, such as prayer or meditation. The important thing to remember about self-care is that it is something that improves your overall wellbeing and makes YOU feel good. For me, this meant a long soak in the tub and doing some reading before coming back to deal with the missed deadline.
When we are in the middle of overwhelm it can be very hard, if not impossible, to see the way out. Hopefully with these three points up your sleeve, you can light your way out of the overwhelm fog.
Goodbye for now, and remember – keep calm, and grow strong!
Five Senses Exercise
Take a moment in this time and place to connect with your five senses and surroundings.
List FIVE different things you can SEE
List FOUR different things you can TOUCH
List THREE different things you can HEAR
List TWO different things you can SMELL
List ONE thing you can TASTE
Doing this exercise grounds you in the here and now and sends the message to remind the brain that you’re OK. For the best results, practice this exercise regularly to reduce anxiety and dial back your emotional response.
Growing Strong 